Dear Coach Frank Vogel,
I hope this letter finds you in good health. Please know that I am writing this letter to you before our season even begins so as to not effect my filming of “The Shop”. I don’t know what other career opportunities may present itself and when they do I don’t know if they will take the majority of my attention so I wrote this for you in order to save the song and dance that will inevitably follow our 2020 season. So I’m sorry. coach.
I know what you saw over our legendary playoff bouts. You, and Paul George, vs Me and well… Me. So I can imagine that it was truly an honor for you to be picked by yours tru… I mean the Lakers front office. But you are here for a cup of coffee my friend. Look at my teams now that I’m USDA certified HOLLYWOOD. Its a god damn circus. I mean the stars don’t really want to team up with me now, because well honestly I’ve become a bit jaded. Hand up. I mean Lonzo pissed me off the other day and I was bitching at Magic to trade him for a nice little bottle of pinot greezch, and it ultimately drove him up the wall and into quitting. But now that he’s out fully expect that bottle. For I am now the NBA equivalent to a GOD KING. I own the court and the boardroom boy so the facts are the facts.
So ultimately sorry to see you go next year, even though I could totally put my ego aside and work with you to further both our NBA aspirations. The main problem being my aspirations have migrated elsewhere. Sorry Boss.
P.S.- Frank attached is a list of things I will not be apologizing for over the next season:
-My unbearable personality
-My bitching at even the truest call of a foul on me. Foul on me!?! Those don’t exist.
-My drinking problem.
-Focusing on the NEVER TO BE MADE IT SEEMS Space Jam. Because who the hell want’s to slay the Hydra that is the Golden State Warriors when they could pick n roll with Bugs Bunny?