SO HERE IS WHERE I AM GOING TO TAKE MY PREVIOUS POST AND ABSOLUTELY TEAR MY EPISODE PREDICTIONS A NEW POOP CHUTE UPON THE VIEWING OF THE EPISODE. ALL NEW TEXT INSERTED FOR THIS POST WILL BE ALL CAPS AND RED IN COLOR!
I WILL SCORE MY OWN PREDICTIONS LETS GO!
They should have let me name an episode. Even though that one does seem like a bit more of a comic book arc title.
Going in to this I want to say I avoid spoilers at all cost myself. So these predictions are not in order to say I told you so in my next post, actually a failed prediction would probably be easier to write about.
Alright, so I it is currently 2:25 pm at my time of writing this portion of the post, episode 5 goes live in 6 and a half hours. For this beginning part I will go into my personal predictions for the episode. If you are looking for my smoking hot REACTION feel free to scroll down! I’m including that within this same post.
2:25 PM PREDICTIONS
Alright so we’ve got three main parties heading down to lay Siege to King’s Landing. Daenerys Stormborn, her now bro-less dragon Drogo, and the her Nerd Herd (Verys, Tyrion, etc) are just waiting for Jon’s troops who are making their way there, that being the second party. The third and largest wildcard being the Hound and Arya.
After writing that paragraph I started to realize… if you were even reading at this then you’ve already watched up to this so I’ll just put pre episode narrative to the side.
Alright so predictions.
MAD QUEEN V. MADDER QUEEN
It’s truly a battle of titanettes. Danny vs Cersei. Both arriving at the battle through a grueling journey of self discovery and realization. Some people may think Cersei could be in denial of all around her, but I call bullshit on that. No one in this show knows exactly who the hell they are like that woman. Cersei is a BAD BITCH! And I mean that in the most honorable way possible. Takes no shit! Cross her and ya done.
The thing is Danny’s centuries worth of familial relationships have left her with an inherent “burn everything and kill everyone because I don’t get what I want” gene. A gene that has reared its scorched-earth head on a few occasions throughout the series. But due to “wanting to wrap it up for the fans”, and not in my thoughts wanting to wrap this up to push out the next 3 spin-offs faster and cash in on our sure fired interest (In the words of Gendry, “strike while the irons hot”. I’m fairly certain he’s never said that but you get the idea), they’ve greatly sped up Danny’s descent into madness. Too quickly to where fans, or at least this one are left thinking, “man they really should have more heavily sprinkled her insanity in the show”. Because Danny is even crazier, and way way, scarier. At least we know what Cersei will do, Daenerys is unpredictable at this point. And you know she ain’t gonna let Jon sit next to her with everyone knowing just who he really is!
So crazy vs crazy? Danny burns all of King’s Landing, and as a response Cersei fills the refugee camps in the Red Keep with wild fire and kills her own subjects. If she can’t have them. NO ONE CAN! Boom. Prediction.
DANNY WAS THE MADDEST QUEEN OF ALL TIME! YOU KNOW ARYA IS GONNA HAVE MAD BEEF WITH THE ONE THAT FLAMBE’D THE WOMAN AND DAUGHTER THAT SAVED HER FROM BEING TRAMPLED MUFASA STYLE.
SO DANNY IS EVIL. THE REALM IS SHOT UNLESS ARYA SLITS DANNY’S THROAT!
PREDICTION SCORE: 3/10. DANNY IS STRAIGHT UP MADDEST QUEEN SO IMA TAKE A FEW POINTS.
JON’S FORCES DECIMATED BUT ULTIMATELY VICTORIOUS
I’m not even gonna sit here and pretend to give a play by play prediction of the battle but ultimately, Jon Snow HAS to win right. These bastards better not piss me off and say Jon doesn’t win his showdown with the Golden Company. They don’t even have ELEPHANTS!
HAND UP! I WHIFFED HERE. THE GOLDEN COMPANY TURNED OUT TO BE ONE OF THE BIGGEST LET DOWNS OF ALL TIME. WHAT A REP THEY HAD. ONLY TO STOP THE SIEGING FORCES FOR NO TIME WHATSOEVER. THE MOST MESSED UP THING IS… I BET JON’S FORCES WERE DECIMATED. DUE MOSTLY TO THE QUEEN THEY MARCHED MILES SOUTH TO FIGHT FOR!!! KILL THE DRAGON QUEEN. IM SO DONE WITH DEANARYS.
PREDICTION SCORE:2/10 JONS FORCES WERE DECIMATED. ONLY BY DEANARYS.
YARA CORNHOLES EURON’S FORCES
Euron is feeling confident with Drogon avoiding the ships in order to avoid fire. Although she should just attack the ships with a rising sun at her back making strafing runs, but that’s just me and my personal Dragon battle strategics (a topic that probably occupies more of my thoughts than it should). The ships will be docked in the bay, when DUH DUH DUH
Yara inevitably provides the naval forces for Daenerys. Naval battle, I want Yara to beat Euron, but honestly I could see them having him land a final and fatal blow to an angry Yara then have him abandon his own destroyed forces and venture off for us to never see him again. Never knowing what became of Euron Greyjoy. Boom! Prediction.
PREDICTION SCORE: 0…. YARA DIDN’T EVEN SHOW UP! DA FAQUE. HELL DIDN’T NEED TO. DROGON WAS A MAN ON A MISSION. THAT MISSION BEING BBQ-ING THE IRON FLEET.
NOTES ON EURON’S DEATH:
GOD HONEST THOUGHT ITD BE SOME BACK DOOR DEUS EX MACHINA BULLSHIT. BUT HOW THE HELL DOES EURON SWIM UP ON JAMIE! ALSO, HOW DOES JAMIE WALK AWAY FROM A BATTLE IN WHICH A DAGGER IS PLUNGED ABOUT 2 FEET INTO WHAT I CAN ONLY ASSUME IS BOTH OF HIS LUNGS. I CALL BULLSHIT.
PREDICTION SCORE: 2/10. POINTS ONLY FOR KNOWING HE’D DIE.
Arya with a bit of aid from the Hound will break into the Keep in order to take out Cersei before the war needs to continue. Arya will appear to deliver her second EPIC blow, when out of nowhere the Mountain grabs her, and while she is stabbing him all over it has no effect. The hound comes in only to see Arya be ripped in half. I know. But I’ve come to expect the worse with GoT. Not the unexpected, but whatever is gonna make me feel the worst. CLEAGANEBOWL ensues, and after receiving fatal blows, the YPHound is able to behead the Mountain, and both die. Boom! Prediction.
YOU COME WITH ME, YOU DIE HERE; SANDOR STAY WATCHING ARYAS BACK! GO OFF AND MURDER YOUR LIST ARYA ASSASSIN OF THE GODS. I GOT THE MOUUNTAIN… – SANDOR CLEGANE. KILLED HIS BRO AND DIED AS WELL.
PREDICTION SCORE:5/10. ARYA DIDNT DIE. DUH.
LINE EM UP. BURN EM DOWN.
I believe this episode will end with Danny revealing Tyrion has divulged Vaerys’ scheming to her and she brings it up immediately once Cersei is slain by Jamie (prediction but God Honest I HAVE NO IDEA HOW) and she is Queen. She acts quickly and lines up any and all enemy soldiers to eliminate even though the war is over. Following this act of vengeance and rage she will roast Vaerys. This whole scene will convince Tyrion it has to be Jon on the throne. Boom! Prediction
VERYS BURNED! 1.5 POINTS FOR GRYFIN…. ME!
TYRION TIPPED DANNY OFF TO THE SCHEMING: 1 PT (PRETTY OBVIOUS)
17.5/70. I AM GARBAGE AT THIS…